My small penis has ruined my life
Being laughed at for something as fundamental as the size of your genitalia must have been traumatising. But I do wonder about the accuracy of your description (of your penis size)? After all, you shied away from situations that may have helped you see that genitalia come in all shapes and sizes, and for four years you had two women fighting over you.
There was a line in your letter that gave me pause: “I felt safe.” I get the impression your life didn’t – doesn’t – feel safe? If so, can you work out where that feeling comes from?
I am really interested in this “before” and then “after” time, and can’t fully understand how and why you were so different after the episode with the two women. Why was it so catastrophic? Mostly, I get this sense of you looking in at your life like someone watching a conveyor belt go by, powerless to take what you want.
I consulted psychoanalyst Susan Godsil. She was struck by how “your best memory was of something exciting but empty, not of building something in your life you can value”. Sometimes, it is the most ordinary things that provide the richest memories. But I get no sense of that with you. It’s all excitement or disaster.
Godsil wondered why you are living “in the sticks”? Is a move a possibility? “Maybe [downsize] to a town/city where you have more life, and people?” she suggested. “Retiring is a challenging life stage and inevitably involves looking back over your life.”
But is your current depression and sense of your ageing and, as you see it, inadequate body influencing your view? Because when you’re depressed, it can colour how you look at things. So at the moment all you can see is the bad stuff.
I also wonder whether you aren’t blaming your penis for everything that has gone wrong in your life. If you could start to tackle the depression – by talking to someone – I think this may be of more use to you than worrying about your “dangly bits”.
There was a line in your letter that gave me pause: “I felt safe.” I get the impression your life didn’t – doesn’t – feel safe? If so, can you work out where that feeling comes from?
I am really interested in this “before” and then “after” time, and can’t fully understand how and why you were so different after the episode with the two women. Why was it so catastrophic? Mostly, I get this sense of you looking in at your life like someone watching a conveyor belt go by, powerless to take what you want.
I consulted psychoanalyst Susan Godsil. She was struck by how “your best memory was of something exciting but empty, not of building something in your life you can value”. Sometimes, it is the most ordinary things that provide the richest memories. But I get no sense of that with you. It’s all excitement or disaster.
Godsil wondered why you are living “in the sticks”? Is a move a possibility? “Maybe [downsize] to a town/city where you have more life, and people?” she suggested. “Retiring is a challenging life stage and inevitably involves looking back over your life.”
But is your current depression and sense of your ageing and, as you see it, inadequate body influencing your view? Because when you’re depressed, it can colour how you look at things. So at the moment all you can see is the bad stuff.
I also wonder whether you aren’t blaming your penis for everything that has gone wrong in your life. If you could start to tackle the depression – by talking to someone – I think this may be of more use to you than worrying about your “dangly bits”.
Source: theguardian
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